Moving Parents into Assisted Living?
Senior Living Selection
There were 3 senior living center visits. Thank goodness my sister from Montana was still with us in Michigan. 2 handling this activity, driving around, discussing, and touring with the parents made a big difference in it’s success. Helping with mobility is one thing but 2 sibs gave more weight and less wiggle room for Step-Dad to change his mind.
Amazingly, Step-Dad chose one, based on being told it was the only affordable one, and he signed on the waiting list. We had to promise that the wait list only means we had an interest when the next apartment came available, not that we were committing to move in.
Though it took more time and patience, it is much better in the long run that Step-Dad make as many decisions himself rather than being forced. I could easily have signed the lease for him as POA but it felt good that he signed it himself. What’s an extra hour or two over a lifetime?
Move Day
Me and my sibs made use of many zoom meetings to create the move plan and budget. We divided the move into smaller sections and topics to get through the big endeavor. Each sib had one or two jobs such as renting the UHaul, getting boxes, each taking a room to pack, involving Mom choosing her favorite vases, etc. We even gave Step-Dad a job to do.
On move day we made an effort to include Step-Dad as much as possible but things got chaotic. It was helpful for a little while for someone to buddy-up with him, explaining whats going on and keeping him occupied. About midway one of the sibs volunteered to take him off-site for ‘lunch’. Mom was as calm and compliant as ever. She enjoyed watching all the movement and commotion.
Step-Dad returned from lunch to the new place. We had stalled him long enough to physically move the furniture and stuff out of the house and into the senior center. We set up the new place as quickly as possible so that he and Mom would be able to spend the night there. The day ended with a huge family dinner at nearby restaurant and a celebration of our achievement. The parents will be safe now and the bird of paradise has arrived.
Where Is The Bird of Paradise?
We had to trust that the parents would learn the cafeteria schedule, figure out where things were and eventually come to participate in the activities. Within the week and perhaps it was the stress and chaos but Step-Dad became aggressive. The nurse at the facility let me know that they could hear yelling, screaming, the F-Bomb and saw him kicking at waste basket. Yikes! I don’t know if this is a new thing or has it been happening for a long time. I decided it was urgent and important to solve. I made a call to the primary care physician for a chill pill. There I learned it’s common and it may be chronic. I lost sleep for a few days with worry about Mom. Not all my sibs were on board with my unconsulted decision but I’m okay taking some heat. In some situations, not all of them, as POA I’ll inform not ask.
Now the bird of paradise is coming, right? Nope, not yet. Step-Dad decides that the activities are basically stupid and beneath his expectations. He wants his car. Months later this will be a repeating request. Me and the sibs are able to distract him by using the pandemic and a true fact the car is in the shop. About a month in, Step-Dad decides he’d sleep the days away and drag Mom in with him. This is alarming behavior. Is it a side-effect of the chill pill? It turned out to be temporary after a few visits from the nurse to check his pulse and welfare. I think Step-Dad learned they are keeping an eye on him. Unfortunately, no amount of encouragement seems to be changing his mind about participating in anything but Bingo. In Bingo, there is a chance to win money.
2 months in the new digs, Step-Dads aggressive behavior returns. He is a pistol (putting it lightly) to anyone and everyone. The staff interrupt the screaming and yelling when they hear it. The residents in the apartments next door are probably not thrilled with their new neighbors. He will not be consoled or calmed so I get Mom out of there with a walk down the hall way for a while. I take another trip to the doctors office when 3 of 4 of my twice-weekly visits are awful.
The doctor increased the dose of the chill pill and that is where we saga stands at the moment. Is the bird coming or not?
Is It Time for Assisted Living?
How To Convince Resistant Parent
The Search, Move and Bird of Paradise
A Special Word to the Caregiver
